5 things to do when…

…Twitter goes down. you spiral emotionally, unsure.


what do I do now?

when affronted with the fail whale, your nerdy world unravels.


don’t worry. i’m here. allow me to bring you into my electrical bosom and nurture you with my words.

care for you. touch you inappropriately.

ok. forget the last thing.

here are five things to do when Twitter goes down.

1. Write Statements of 141 Characters And Revel In The Excess

for months, you’ve been tethered to the 140 character maxim.

think about all the things you wanted to say but couldn’t.

now write them all out. pretty crappy, right?

yes. your intellect is much better constrained.

2. Pre-Shrink All Of Your URLS.

when Twitter’s down, it’s the perfect time for you to seek out nerdy links.

mashable. techcrunch.

read write something.

pre-shrink them all so you can swiftly assault your following with dozens of links to beautiful new WordPress themes.

yes. because that’s what they want.

3. Constantly Refresh Twitter While Crying.

look, i’m not saying i do this.

unless we’re at a point where people think that this is cool?

we at that point yet? no?

i don’t do this.

4. Get A Hobby.

now that you have a few moments without twitter, why not do something different?’

basket-weaving? paint-by-numbers? black tar heroin?


5. Repair Obviously-Destroyed Relationships.

take a good, hard look at the life around you.

when you were re-tweeting alyssa milano’s links, your partner started having an emotional relationship with that shithead douche from Facebook.

your family don’t know who you are anymore.

you know the people in your life whose names don’t start with an @ sign?

call them.

if you’d like more of my electrical bosom, follow me here.

i’ll be here, Facebook-stalking douche.

weeeeet. ♥